It Can't Just Be Me

destinyrooney
Jan 12, 2021
4 min read

Just some thoughts and concepts that I know live in someone else's mind too.. after all I'm not THAT crazy ;).

- I tend to self sabotage when things are going well for me.

I know how ridiculous that sounds, but I find when things in my life are starting to line up with each other, opportunities are flooding in, and everything seems to be falling into place, I always find a way to think that it's "too good to be true". I then search for places that miss the mark or loop holes to my success at that moment, just searching for excuses for things to go wrong. This always makes me wonder.. why can't I accept good things that come to me without expecting a "catch" behind it? Why can't things in life just be "good" the way they are?

This also reminds me of the saying, "if it's not broke, don't fix it". Makes me question, "if it's not bad, why make it?"

2021 Resolution: Accept open doors as what they are rather than try to close them back up.

- I find it hard being satisfied with myself.

Usually this applies to my hobbies, the most prominent being dance. With each performance or class, I find myself not able to give myself credit, pat myself on the back, or admit that I did well. I always, as I mentioned in the past bullet point, find places where I wasn't good enough. Places where I could have pushed harder, smiled bigger, added more stylization, literally anything I could possibly add on to what I already did that I classified as "not good enough". Some people say, "I know my best, and when I don't reach it, I'm disappointed in myself", but my issue is that I could do my VERY BEST and yet still beat myself down for not being perfect ENOUGH.

Piggy backing on this, I am someone who is HORRIBLE at accepting compliments. I'll be the first one to praise someone else on the way they look, what they have done, or who they are, but the second someone tells me something encouraging and positive, my response is always, "omg no that's you". While that very well could be something they encompass, the bigger obstacle here is to learn to accept a compliment, and not only just reply without feeling the need to reverse it, but to truly believe that what they are saying is true. Remember, most people don't go out of their way to just hand out compliments like throwing glitter. (Unless you're me.. then you just can't shut up).

2021 Resolution: Give myself the credit that others so often freely give me.

- I set unrealistic expectations for myself and others.

When anyone asks me, "where do you see yourself in _ years?", I always seem to reply with a detailed, extravagant plan on how I'll be overflowing with success. Lately, I've had to really force myself to think realistically about my future, knowing that although we can have a loose blueprint as to how we want to shape our path, we can't really write a play by play with how those plans with pan out. All that considering although we may follow through with our side of the plan, the rest of the world has their own plan, and sometimes, that plan doesn't necessarily line up to compliment ours.

I also find that I expect myself to do all of the things all of the time while pleasing all of the people and getting ahead in all of the places. Simply stated, that is just impossible. Not just impossible without effort, but impossible with any and all effort. You can't do everything all at once. Let me repeat that. You can't do everything all at once. Or even: You. Can't. Do. Everything.

Far too many times I find myself stretched thin, stressed out, and disappointed in myself for "missing the mark", when instead, I need to focus on what is realistic for me to achieve with a timeline that is reachable for my goals, and while I may still miss the mark, BE CONTENT WITH HOW FAR I GOT. No matter if I reached my goal, got close to it, or just fell short.

Now onto how I set unrealistic expectations for people around me. I play scenarios in my head about so many things, and usually they're with people present in my everyday life. When those scenarios don't play out in real life as they do in my head, it sets the other people up for failure for me when they act differently than how the movie did in my imagination. While what they did may not have been bad in any nature, it just sets an impossible standard that they cannot possibly reach. With situations like this, you can't expect people to just read your mind and know what you want, how you want it, and when you want it. In order to achieve the things you want and need from others, you need to COMMUNICATE your thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Usually the other person has no idea that is how you felt, and are almost always willing to try something different because they care about you and want to help you.

2021 Resolution: Communicate my expectations so that situational outcomes are realistic.

Well that's all for now. Catch back later :)

XO,

Des