Sad is the new Happy?
- destinyrooney
- Feb 3, 2021
- 4 min read
Let's talk about being sad. I know, what a buzz kill, but let's not lie to ourselves. Sometimes we're more sad than we like to admit. Maybe there's reasons behind it, and maybe there's not. Maybe we're just sad for the sake of being sad.
A while back, I was watching an interview of Billie Eilish, and she said something along the lines of, "I ruined so many things that could've been amazing because I was sad." When I heard this I couldn't help but have flashbacks to times where things were seemingly going amazing in my life, but yet, I missed out because I was sad. Those times everyone was there to support me and cheering me on, and yet, I completely disconnected myself because the feeling of my own sadness was in a way more comforting, more familiar, more habitual almost.
The other day I came across a tiktok video, I know.. of all things lol, about how the feeling of sadness can become addicting. I was instantly intrigued and spent the next 48 hours completely submerging myself in what that meant, how it affects us everyday, and how we can rewire our thoughts to break that cycle.
The thing about sadness is that not only is it habitual, but it is incredibly easy to maintain. That brings you to the "whens".
When I ____, then I will finally be happy.
When I ____, then I will finally let go.
When I ____, then I will try harder.
Those "whens" not only push back the happiness we are looking to achieve, but they make the sadness we are in now seem almost necessary in order to appreciate what's to come.
The more we allow ourselves to sit in self-pity feeling sorry for ourselves and giving up hope of ever coming out of those thoughts, we start to dig ourselves a rut. If you've ever gotten your car stuck in mud, you'd appreciate this analogy lol.
Imagine you're stuck in the mud. You keep pressing the gas, switching to reverse, back to drive, and then get out of your car to check if you've made any progress only to discover you're even more stuck than you were before, yet deeper this time. You climb back into your car feeling defeated, thinking you've exhausted all of your options. You think you've tried everything, so you sit there complaining, moping, and feeling sorry for yourself.
Except you haven't tried everything. You haven't tried turning your wheels. You haven't tried changing your direction, your path. You haven't tried going beyond what is familiar to branch out to something that may just rescue you.
Now I know that just simply turning your wheel may not get you out of the mud in real life, but getting yourself out of your emotional mud is beyond possible with a change of direction.
The more you sit in those thoughts of doubt, the more familiar that feeling of loneliness, emptiness, and numbness becomes quite comforting because it's easy, it's familiar, it's still. Your brain then forms a pattern of those thoughts, just like a rut that you may drive over every day. It becomes deeper the more and more you run over it, just as your thoughts become more and more prominent the more you resort to thinking them.
It's actually scientifically proven that the feeling of sadness is chemically addicting. When you're in pain, such as getting your hand stuck in a door, you feel sudden pain followed by numbness, which is your body releasing endorphins ("pain killers"). Not only does physical pain release these endorphins, but all strain on the body, which includes emotional stress. When you get used to this release of endorphins in your everyday life, you begin to become numb to it all.
You feel safer, more comforted, somehow sheltered from all of the things that could cause you pain. THAT is why feeling sad feels safe. You think, "If I'm already sad, then nothing else could make me more sad"; "If I set my expectations low, then they can't be missed".
I hope you're beginning to realize how easy it is to be caught in a toxic cycle of sadness. Once you're able to recognize the signs, patterns, and triggers, you're then able to begin to stop the cycle and transform your familiar feelings.
Realizing that being happy requires effort, vulnerability, and our own choice are just stepping stones into a brighter reality for yourself. Recognizing that there is no switch, no magic potion, book, or meditation to change your thoughts is sometimes frustrating because it requires effort, time, and commitment, but it is so rewarding in the end to know that you transformed your perspective with just you, your heart, maybe a little help from the man upstairs, and a promise to yourself.
Don't stay sad,
Des
If any of you have any concerns, questions, or thoughts, feel free to reach out to me, a therapist, or a helpline listed below. Please know that I am NOT a professional, licensed in any way, or in any place to make a diagnosis.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line
Text NAMI to 741-741
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